I’ll be whole again

From “The shade of old spectacles”


I am a spirit

I can be nothing more and nothing less

So be it.

 

They’re my weapons against life
But they will be my undoing
If I don’t discard them soon

They helped me when my mother was soaked in juice and her brain was all fluffy
When my father and the sea became one. Moving at the same pace.
Or when I felt unsafe with no walls to protect me
Mental illness feasting on me

They allowed me to filter the shades
Just like everyone with a brain
We come up with a way to bend reality

To deal with the pain.

They’re old rusty spectacles.

But now I can’t live with the same fears

Now I have to put off those glasses and focus on healing

Healing means being naked on the street and breathing in

I know it is chilly.

But the texture of my skin

Goosebumps

They remind me that my body can handle much more than I give it credit for

The same goes for my soul

I am tired of the dissonance

Of the shatters

Of broken things

If my lenses are going to fall apart I’d rather chuck them away

But if my mind, spirit, body and souls want to spread apart

I’ll take the rope that was attaching my feet to stones

And I’ll tether myself to nothing else

Than myself.

Starting over and doing what’s right,

For me.

 

 

And this is where I am now.

The dimmed light of a bar

The spotlights

My skin is wood and the wood is sweating

My soul is drenched

Frozen, solid or boiling liquid

I have the same volume, the same mass

The same number of atoms dancing with each other

Air flows and it lifts the pages

Air flows with the scents of accomplishments

I am all the sounds and all the colours

For I hear and see them

Today I take a bucket and clean the shit from the river

Today I clean the stain

And tomorrow I’ll be whole again.

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