From “The shade of old spectacles”
I am a spirit
I can be nothing more and nothing less
So be it.
They’re my weapons against life
But they will be my undoing
If I don’t discard them soon
They helped me when my mother was soaked in juice and her brain was all fluffy
When my father and the sea became one. Moving at the same pace.
Or when I felt unsafe with no walls to protect me
Mental illness feasting on me
They allowed me to filter the shades
Just like everyone with a brain
We come up with a way to bend reality
To deal with the pain.
They’re old rusty spectacles.
But now I can’t live with the same fears
Now I have to put off those glasses and focus on healing
Healing means being naked on the street and breathing in
I know it is chilly.
But the texture of my skin
They remind me that my body can handle much more than I give it credit for
The same goes for my soul
I am tired of the dissonance
Of the shatters
Of broken things
If my lenses are going to fall apart I’d rather chuck them away
But if my mind, spirit, body and souls want to spread apart
I’ll take the rope that was attaching my feet to stones
And I’ll tether myself to nothing else
Starting over and doing what’s right,
And this is where I am now.
The dimmed light of a bar
My skin is wood and the wood is sweating
My soul is drenched
Frozen, solid or boiling liquid
I have the same volume, the same mass
The same number of atoms dancing with each other
Air flows and it lifts the pages
Air flows with the scents of accomplishments
I am all the sounds and all the colours
For I hear and see them
Today I take a bucket and clean the shit from the river
Today I clean the stain
And tomorrow I’ll be whole again.